Say You'll Stay
by Forever.A.Typo
Summary: Even during the Games, when he had joined the Careers, I was not frightened. Then, i wanted so desperately to send an arrow through his heart and end his life there. Maybe it would have been easier.
1. Easier

**A/n ****Hi, there! I know this same story-line has basically been redone over and over and over, post-mockingjay, pre-epilogue, but it's really the only one that interests me. **

**Butt saving time. Disclaimer: The Hunger Games and characters in this story belong to the wonderful Suzanne Collins. I do own this creation, however, so don't steal.  
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><p><em>My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am eighteen years old. Prim was called for the reaping of the 74<em>_th__ hunger games. I volunteered in her place. I was in the hunger games… twice. I started a rebellion. I was the Mockingjay. I killed Coin. My mother is in another district. Gale is in district 2. I am in district 12. Peeta is alive. I am alive. I shouldn't be alive. Prim is dead. My father is dead. Finnick is dead. Plutarch is dead. Coin is dead. Snow is dead. Rue is dead. Millions of people are dead. Because of me. it's all because I pulled out those stupid Nightlock berries at the end of my first hunger games. _

My body racked over in sobs. Dr. Aurelius, Haymitch, even my own mother, had suggested I take a walk through the District in attempts to boost my mood. What was wrong with them when they said this? After weeks of sitting in my house in the Victor's Village alone, besides a short, silent visit from Greasy Sae each day for breakfast and dinner, I decided I should try it out. No. It was a bad idea. I haven't spoken much to Peeta since he planted those Primroses in front of my house, just a small wave and dainty smile exchange, and then back to my own despair. Greasy Sae's granddaughter would sometimes offer me to play with a string of yarn with her, but I would just give her a small smile, in memory of Prim and Rue, and reject her offer, sending her off to her own little world again. She seemed happy. I sure wish I was her age again, before I was able to have been reaped. Before I was starving. Before my father was dead. Before everything was so complicated. And this morning, she said something to me that brought an entire new form of heart-break to me.

"My momma told me about the rebellion and the hunger games." She then took me into a tight hug as I lent on my knees. "Thank you, Mockingjay." She whispers to me, as if about to cry.

"No problem." Was all I could muster before lying in bed for another couple hours and setting out to the district.

But what sent me to the District was the thought that this was what my mother was like when I lost my father. When she lost her husband. When I had neglected her presence afterwords. Maybe that was what Peeta was doing. Neglecting my existence.

Surprisingly enough, I had spent so much time in the house I had not even noticed the reconstruction of the town. Of course, the Seam was gone, basically the entire city merchant, but still, better for the starvation issue. We were no longer a coal-mining District, but instead, a medicinal District, which would probably mean the return of my mother some time soon. As I ventured by the stone pavement of where Gale was whipped, although the post was gone, I spotted a small, green, lizard. I let out a tiny shriek and took off. I found my feet in front of Peeta's new bakery. I could smell the warm, fresh bread, through the clearly polished glass doors. There was a ton of customers in there, all laughing and smiling, and I noticed Peeta handing out cookies to a group of young children with a warm smile. That smile that I miss so badly. I watch them through the doors and when I see most of them thank him, then turn to leave, I run around the corner of the building and peak at them leaving the bakery with large smiles and cookies for all. When they're all gone, along with the rest of the adults, it's just one customer, who seems to be laughing and joking along, with Peeta. My Peeta. I'm tempted to go in. So tempted.

I bring my hand to the cool metal but quickly jerk it away. What am I doing? I can't just waltz back into Peeta's life, what if I trigger a flashback or something? I would never know how to deal with that, especially since it's endangering not only him, but myself as well. As I see Peeta hand a small white paper bag to the customer, who is sitting comfortably on a wooden stool, I decide to walk in. There's a bell above the door that rings when I open it and I grimace at the noise, not wanting to have been spotted so instantly. For a second, Peeta's beautiful blue eyes meet mine but then flicker back to the customer, who is turning to leave. This man looks at me with a sweet smile, he's about my age, and says something to me.

"Miss, I know you don't know me, and I don't know you too well, but you were an inspiration. You are so brave and wonderful, not to mention beautiful, along with every one of your scars, I would like to take you out. Would you do me the honor?" He asks. I'm flabbergasted. I can feel Peeta staring daggers at the man, who has dark brown hair, but his sunglasses restrict me from getting even a glance at the color of his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm just walking through town today. Odds are I'll be home and sobbing about my… um… family. I'm just not going to consider socializing right now. Maybe some other time?" I say, politely. Because the other half of me was ready to scream, "I JUST GOT OUT OF LEADING A REBELLION, BARELY ALIVE. I WAS IN THE HUNGER GAMES TWICE AND YOU HAVE THE _NERVE_ TO ASK ME OUT? BESIDES, I HAVE PEETA!" but the thought of Peeta constricted me from saying it.

"You'll keep your word, some other time?" He asks me. I know what this means. This means that I'll owe him a day. A date. I hear Peeta shuffle around the kitchen, trying his hardest not to invest in my personal life, but I know that he's eavesdropping.

"Of course." I promise. He smiles at me, takes my hand and kisses it gently before walking out the glass doors.

Suddenly I feel dizzy. I'm left alone in the building with Peeta, who just witnessed some man, probably a friend of his, ask me out. I feel like I'm back in middle school. I wander around the front room, sunset orange walls and a yellow tiled floor. There are paintings hanging on the walls, and I freeze when I see a painting of Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and I. I look at it, tearing up, but I don't cry. No. I won't cry. I'm strong enough to bare through this. I am strong enough not to cry. I continue walking the outlines of the walls. This time, when I come across a painting of my beautiful Prim, in the dress and hair-do she wore for the reaping, I collapse onto the floor, sobs coming on at full force. Peeta rushes over to me within seconds, and takes me into his arms.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" He asks. I flinch from his touch a second, but don't refuse him. I've missed this. His strong arms around me, comforting me through my horrible memories and nightmares. Those nights on the train where we would sleep together and he would chase my nightmares away with only his presence. Out of all the good nights about the Hunger Games –if there were any- those were my favorite. Suddenly, I remembered I had yet to answer his question.

"No. No, I'm not alright." I manage a whisper, but even then, my voice cracks somehow. Is that even possible?

"I miss Prim. I miss my mother, and Finnick, and Darius, and Plutarch, even Effie and Haymitch! Nobody's around anymore. But most of all, I miss you." The last part comes out under my breath, I'm surprised he can hear me through the loud sobs that leave my mouth.

God, I sound like a dying whale. Suddenly he freezes. I look up at him, my glassy eyes struggling to look up at him, and he's staring into the distance. Is he trying to fight off a flashback? A flashback of something that never was? Of me killing him, or attempting to, at the least? I was frightened. By Peeta, for the first time. Even during the games, when he had joined the Careers, I wasn't frightened. Then, I wanted so desperately to put an arrow through his heart and end his life there.

Maybe it would have been easier.

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><p><strong>an so, what do you think? It's my first time writing in the present-tense and it's kind of weird. I keep having to go back and change it from past-tense to present-tense. Also, if you haven't noticed, this is Katniss's point of view. I think the whole story will be, until further notice. Maybe not, though. I'm not sure yet. Please leave a review, tell me if you liked it, hated it, or what I can do to make it better. Don't be afraid to suggest ideas either, which I may or may not use. *wink* *wink* ;) **

**-Tori-  
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**P.s, I don't know when I might be updating next, maybe in a week, maybe a month, maybe even in a few days, if I'm feeling creative. It also depends on the amount of reviews I get.**

**P.p.s, just in case you haven't noticed, the title of this story was inspired by a song by R5... which is also called "Say You'll Stay". (The title was also inspired by the line, "Stay with me?" from the hunger games.  
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	2. Stay with Me

**a/n wow, I'm updating fast. I didn't expect to have this chapter finished by now. Seriously. Anyways, thanks for the reviews! Seriously, you have no clue how ecstatic I get when I see them. Also, I've had an epiphany today, and the best idea crossed my mind. You'll be seeing a surprising twist in a few chapters. Maybe even next chapter, if I can't think of a way to stretch out a certain scene. :P But because of that, I had to go and edit the first chapter. :|**

Turns out, Peeta hadn't had a flashback. Apparently he had not been expecting me to say what I had. That was why he had frozen. I noticed this when I saw his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that I can never get enough of, they were not all black, like they were when he had an episode.

"I'm sorry, if this painting upsets you. I can always take it down, if you'd like." He offers. I try hard to forget about Prim. To move on. But I can't. Not without Peeta. And with this painting that I just saw, that is still quite fresh in my memory, that is hanging on the wall just above our heads, and with Peeta's warm arms around me and his kind words, I can only do what I can to remember her. Her blue eyes and blonde hair, much like my mother, looks of someone who could only be a Merchant. Her kind words, but her childish personality. The way her blouse would stick out from her skirt, forming what looks like a duck tail. Prim, my little duck. She would always be with me, but maybe, just maybe, being in Heaven, if there is such a place, is much better than growing up in the Seam.

"No, Peeta, it's an amazing painting. Thank you, for hanging it there. Don't take it down, ever." I tell him. I offer him a small smile as I stare into his eyes, which he returns.

"Come on, Katniss." He smiles, pulling me up to my feet with only his left hand. I realize I'm just about skin and bones, because when Greasy Sae feeds me, it often either comes back up or I don't eat much at all, it depends on how I'm feeling.

I look at him, and we stand there awkwardly for a few seconds before he starts to speak again.

"Hey, Katniss, what are you doing here?" He asks me. It's not harsh, but a genuine question. I suppose I could be wondering the same thing. But then I remember, it was a suggestion to get me out of the house. To do something other than mope around. I blink for a second, trying to organize my thoughts into a sentence, when I finally speak.

"Well, Dr. Aurelius and my mother suggested I get out of the house, go to venture out through the district. I hadn't even noticed the reconstruction. I saw a lizard, and I ran. Somehow, I ended up here." I tell him. He nods, as if understanding, although maybe he doesn't.

"I should get going, I don't want to be a burden or distraction." I walk to the two glass doors and bring my hand to the handle when I hear Peeta again.

"Stay with me?" It's barely a whisper, but I can hear him perfectly fine. My questions of the Capitol torturing this memory, this very special memory, disappeared. I know he remembers this. I know he remembers that night. And all those other nights.

I freeze.

Do I want to do this? Do I want to bring Peeta back into my life? I think I made that decision when I walked into the bakery. When I collapsed to the ground at the thought of Prim. And this is when I realize, I do want this. I want my nightmares to be chased away by his presence, I want to be happy again. I want Peeta to be better, too, which I can see is already happening, even without me. but I want Peeta to be happy, and if I leave, maybe he won't be.

"Always." I smile, and settle myself down on the wooden stool across the counter from Peeta's kitchen, where he had ventured back to. He smiles a relieved smile, and for once, for once throughout my entire life, for once after my father died, for once after I nearly suffered to death by starvation, I am happy. And for once, I want to freeze this moment right here, right now, and life in it forever. And I wonder if he would agree.

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><p>I watch the steady flow of customers throughout the day. I watch him give out cookies to young children, and white paper bags and the occasional cake, to an adult. He is genuinely happy, and this fact couldn't make <em>me<em> anymore happy. There's always a smile on his face, always a sparkle in his eyes, and he would regularly look up, as if to check if I were still there, smiling, and laughing along with the jokes the customers would make every so often. I couldn't help but get the feeling that for the first time in a long while, I was enjoying myself. From time to time, though, curious customers, who clearly ventured out from the Career districts, would ask about Peeta and I, or congratulate me as the Mockingjay. I would try to tone them out and just say thank you when they would finish. Some would even give me sympathetic looks and I would have to think for a moment when, I realize, I had had a miscarriage that they thought was real.

If only they would ask, "real or not real?" the answer would be, "most definitely NOT real."

Not like I would tell them that.

Finally comes the time where it is time for Peeta to close the shop and go home, and I am dreading the moment where we will have to depart and I will be left alone to wallow in my own sorrow and have to deal with my nightmares. My nightmares that greet me every night, merciless, and horrifying. I decide, though, to just forget about that as I walk with Peeta down the stone cobbled pavement to the Victor's Village. At first we are silent, we walk next to each other awkwardly, uncomfortably, because we are so unused to walking beside each other without holding hands. Suddenly, I cannot resist this strange urge any longer, and I entwine my fingers with his. At first he looks at me, questioningly, and for a second I feel I should rip my hand away, but I can't find myself to do so. I end up offering him a smile, which he returns and then looks ahead and continues walking.

Suddenly, somehow, some way, I manage to spot the flash of black and white in the trees beside my house. I know what they are. Mockingjays. Without much thought, I begin to sing.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where they strung up the man they say murdered three,_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

The birds have quieted their usual song, but have not yet depleted.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where the dead man called out for his love to flee?_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

We had stopped walking. We were standing in front of the long, thin pavement that led to the front door of my house. We were next to my small black mailbox, which I am sure is full. I could feel Peeta's blue eyes staring at me, and I just _know _there's a smile on his face.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where I told you to run so we'd both be free?_

_Strange things did happen here, _

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

The birds were now silent, and I can practically hear Peeta telling me, "_I told ya so!" _Nonetheless, he was right. As much about me as my father.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me._

_Strange things did happen here,_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

The mockingjays were repeating my song to me, and I couldn't suppress the smile that spread across my face. I guess after the Games, my ability to stay pokerfaced had somewhat faded. I turned to Peeta, who was smiling wide, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling, and the sunset behind him giving the entire scene an angelic glow.

"I told you so." He smiles. He remembers this… how? How has he remembered something like this, when the Capitol distorted most of his memories of me into something terrible and untrue? We walked up to my front door but my feet refused to move any further. My hands refused to make their way to the doorknob. My eyes refused to look away from Peeta. My thoughts refused to change from the nightmares I've been having. Peeta was the only one who could stop them. Just his presence would stop them. And that was what I needed in life. My dandelion in the spring.

"Stay with me?" When it comes out it's barely a whisper, and for a second, I thought it came from my mouth. No. It had come from Peeta's. Peeta had asked me to stay with him. I'm frozen. Frozen. Frozen in mere joy. I can't help myself when I throw my arms around him and tell him,

"Always."

I can tell by the slight bags under those blue eyes that I love so much that he has nightmares too. Nightmares about me. And with this fact, I want to protect him from those nightmares. And I want him to protect me. Because that's what we do. We protect each other.

**a/n awwwww :3 Isn't that just so fluffy? **

**Because everybody loves fluff.**

**Remember, if you have any plot suggestions don't be afraid to send them to me in a review, or PM. I will give you credit if I decide to use it. Have a nice weekend, and HAPPY HUNGER GAMES! (I know, the movie came out last week, and it was amazing)**

**-Tori-**

**May the odds be **_**ever **_**in your favor. **


	3. Allowed to be happy

**a/n Josh Hutcherson was at the KCA's last night. :D He was with Nikki Minaj. Anyways, Happy Hunger Games. I really like writing for Haymitch. I don't know why, though. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>That night, for the first time in a long while, I slept a dreamless sleep. <em>

When I rouse the next morning, I reach out for Peeta, only to find the cold canvas cover of the mattress. For a moment, in my sleepy state, I felt betrayed. I guess this is what happens when you have two Hunger Games and a rebellion under your belt. But before my heart had the chance to crack in half, I notice a small note taped to Peeta's pillow.

_Katniss,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you woke. But I had to get to the bakery eventually. Look at the clock. Anyways, I should be home soon. I made a deal with Greasy Sae, and I will be making you dinner at night. I'll see you soon._

_Love, Peeta._

I looked over my shoulder at the small digital clock on my night stand. It read two p.m. _Wow,_ I thought. _Have I been asleep this long? _Obviously. I slowly rise from the bed, shower, dress in some black sweats and a green tee-shirt, and make my way down to the kitchen. My bare feet smack against the tile flooring, but other than entertaining myself with my feet like babies do sometimes, I can't seem to find anything to do. When I walk into the study, I find that my plant book is still sitting on the wooden table where I left it. I quickly flip through the book, when I have somewhat of an epiphany.

I run outside with a pair of scissors and snip one of the Primroses off of a bush. I run back inside and grab an empty journal –that I didn't even notice I had until now- and flatten the flower on the front page. Underneath it I write,

_In loving memory of Primrose Everdeen_

I flip the book over so it's on its back and I leave it there for the rose. Later, I will write about those who I cannot afford to forget about. Things I can't afford to forget about. Things that would be a crime to forget about. And with Peeta's help, with his drawings or paintings, we can create this book with memories. I can't wait to show him.

Because I am in a particularly good mood today, I end up strutting my way to Haymitch's to talk to him. When I find my way through the maze of Geese wandering around his yard, I swing the door open to find Haymitch sitting at his kitchen table, surprisingly sober.

"What's up, sweetheart? Haven't seen you in a while." He says. Normally I would scowl, but my optimistic mood makes that impossible. Maybe it's because of Peeta that I'm like this. Maybe it's because of my book idea. I should probably tell Dr. Aurelius when I have time.

"What's up, Haymitch? Don't have any more liquor?" I joke. He scowls but nods, and I sigh. "I know. I… um… just came by to talk to you…" I trail off. I didn't think it would be this hard just to talk about whatever comes up. Maybe it's easier for Peeta, since he's much better with words than I am.

"About…..?" I pull out a chair and take a seat across from my former mentor.

"I don't know. About anything." I say.

"Well, have you talked to the boy?" He asks me. It's very like him to bring up Peeta. I don't even need to think about my answer, so I don't hesitate.

"Yep." I start to twiddle my thumbs, because I can't find anything to do with my hands.

"Where is he?"

I tell Haymitch that Peeta is at the bakery and should be home soon, and he'll be cooking dinner for me. Although I don't really want to, something in the back of my mind is telling me to invite Haymitch over. I think it would be something Peeta would be likely to do, so I oblige.

"You can come, if you'd like." I say.

"I should probably keep an eye on you two, just in case things get out of hand." He says with a smirk. And for some reason, I don't think he's talking about Peeta's hijacking. Of course, this thought brings a very good question to my mind.

"Haymitch, when was the last time Peeta had an episode?" I ask. I really am curious. He seems much better lately, and maybe it's because I haven't been around. The thought crushes me, but I don't show it.

"Hmmm… it's been a while. I think it was about a month ago. It wasn't too bad, but he did end up with a bleeding wrist." He says. It makes sense, because during the rebellion, Peeta had told me that pain helps him stand in reality a bit. I nod my head in understanding. "His memory is really clearing up. Whatever he's been doing lately is helping big time. I'd still steer clear of certain topics, though, just in case."

"So, sweetheart, are you gonna start eating regularly now that you've got bread boy back?" He asks. I chuckle at his reference to Peeta as "bread boy" but I suppose that it's true, I probably will have to eat more regularly now that he's around.

"Probably, Peeta will probably be checking on me a lot, making sure I eat enough."

We talk about how I've been doing, and I can honestly say, lately I've been doing much better. I tell him about my book, and he says it's a good idea for both me and Peeta to heal. Before I know it, the day has gone by and the sun is going down. By reflex, I instantly think of Peeta, because his favorite color is sunset, and I make a mental note to write that down in the book later. He did forget that once, and it would be a crime for him to forget it again. As I do this, there's a knock at the door. Maybe I'm the only one that finds myself at home in Haymitch's house. Well, more like his kitchen, which is the least disgusting part of his home.

I insist on opening the door for him, but he follows behind me just in case, you know, there's some sort of assassin after the "Mockingjay". It happens, sometimes I find myself having to hide out in my kitchen with a knife in each hand because some children, in about seventh grade, like to come around with fake weapons and pretend they're going to assassinate me, but it scares me half to death. I would never tell Peeta this, of course, it would just worry him. And if there's one thing that I don't need, it's Peeta worrying about me. Of course, this thought is thrown out the window when I swing the door open.

Peeta practically tackles me in a hug, he's panting and sweaty, and I can only assume he's been running.

"W-what's wrong?" When Peeta hugs me, I stumble backwards a bit, but quickly find my balance.

He pulls away and we situate ourselves in the kitchen, since I'm most comfortable in there.

"I just- you weren't home, and I got worried." He says quietly. I can't help but smile, and blush, at his kindness, but when Haymitch smirks at me, I scowl at him.

The sun has gone down and it's dark outside. When Peeta and I turn to leave, he asks Haymitch one more time if he would like to come for dinner.

"No thanks, boy. I think you two need some _privacy_." He says privacy with a wink and points to our intertwined hands and slams the door in our faces. We're both about to object, when we realize, Haymitch can't see us anymore anyway, behind that door of his. I'm glad it's this dark out tonight, because if it wasn't, I'm sure Peeta would be able to see that my face is the color of a strawberry. Peeta awkwardly rubs the back of his neck and chuckles before we continue walking. We made a silent agreement to stay at Peeta's tonight, and while he cooks, although I offer to help him multiple times, he just simply chuckles and replies

"You're the guest, I should be cooking. Besides, it's my job anyway. –and you'd just burn the food" and then he would sit me down in a chair in the living room until I offered again.

When he's finally done, I wander my way into the kitchen and smell the familiar fragrance of the one thing I told Caesar what the best thing the Capitol had to offer was.

Lamb Stew.

_His memory really is getting better! _I nearly yell out. Instead, I just think it, so he doesn't think I'm crazy like everybody else does. Although I am legally, mentally disoriented. I'm still the crazy girl that shot the wrong president to some people. Sometimes I write it on my wrists with a black marker just to remind myself.

We eat in a comfortable silence until I just _have _to open my mouth. But before I have the chance to say something stupid, Peeta beats me to it.

"I made this because I remember you telling Caesar, this was what you liked best about the Capitol," He says quietly. This was the very thing Haymitch told me to steer clear of, and I'm afraid if we continue this conversation the unthinkable might happen.

"Thank you, Peeta. It means a lot." I tell him. When we finish eating, I offer to wash the dishes, but he playfully shoves me away from the sink. I stumble to my side, and I push him by his shoulder slightly with my hand, I'm afraid if I do anything that consists of me touching him in a threatening way he might go into a flashback, which, according to Dr. Aurelius, is quite likely. Although I don't answer the phone much, when I do, it seems to help. I make a mental note to try to more often. While I turn the spigot on and start to wash the dishes, Peeta comes up from behind me and lifts me, bridal style, and then drops me onto the couch.

"Stay." He orders, as if I'm a dog, and then he runs back into the kitchen to finish washing the dishes. I follow his demand, but in a few minutes, I doze off.

It's not long before I wake up screaming in the dark.

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><p><strong>an Moo ha ha ha. I hope you enjoyed reading this! There's going to be a lot of drama in a few chapters. So be expecting a couple twists. **

**-Tori-**

**R&R – May the odds be **_**ever **_**in your favor. **


	4. Crime

**a/n Is it weird that I'm **_**really **_**craving bread right now? It's been a few days since I last updated, I think a week… ? So I'm going to update today, since it's Good Friday and I don't have school to worry about. I have to give a speech about best friends… for this Tropicana speech contest thing… and I'm forced to do it. It kind of sucks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now…**

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><p>"<em>Katniss!" I hear a voice call. It's Prim. Somehow, I'm back in the arena of the Quarter Quell, cutting through the jungle with a knife, it's dark out and the only thing illuminating the way is the unusually white and bright moon. I'm running and running, I'm alone, and just as I'm getting closer to Prim's voice, I hear Peeta's go off in another direction.<em>

"_Katniss!" I turn around. I start frantically turning about trying to figure out which way to go first. Prim, or Peeta? I start heading towards Peeta's voice once Prim's has stopped, and just as I see his silhouette far into the distance, standing there, the saltwater lake creating an artistic looking masterpiece behind him, I hear my father. My father. I haven't heard his voice in so long, but I still remember. I take off in the direction of his voice, and as I get closer and it starts getting clearer and louder, instead of seeing my father, I see a jabberjay. A jabberjay. _

"_Katniss!" I hear Rue scream. It's Rue and I have to save her before the boy from District 2 kills her again. I run and run and run, but only find a pile of flowers where her voice is coming from. They were picked by hand, no doubt, and I see my gold mockingjay pin glimmer in the moonlight. _

"_KATNISS!" Prim sobs again. I'm not thinking with my brain, and I take off in her direction again. And when I see her, blouse forming a duck tail from her skirt, she's standing next to my mother and Madge, who are both smiling at me. What adds to the insanity of this all, I hear another voice call out my name, and my feet take off in its direction before I have the chance to realize whose it is._

_It's mine. _

"_KATNISS!" The voice shouts. I am finally close enough to see myself, standing there, sobbing. I run towards my clone, and just as I start shaking her shoulders to get her to stop crying, POOF!_

_She turns into a mockingjay, small, black and white, and it starts to whistle Rue's four note song. As if this was some sort of cue, all the voices I had heard earlier start screaming my name, and I'm confused as to which way to go. _

"_KATNISS!" Peeta, Prim, my father, and added voices such as Gale, my mother, Madge, and even Johanna, are screaming out in pain. And just to add to all the eeriness of it all, the mockingjay that was me, suddenly turns back into me, and I see President Coin and President snow appear next to her. I run to president Coin, hoping to somehow make everything disappear, but instead of falling into her, I fall through the air, right through her, so whatever this is, it seems like a hologram of sorts. I step back, and watch what happens._

_My clone is in the Mockingjay outfit, Snow is tied up, ready for execution, and Coin is watching the audience, which right now, is me. I count down the seconds until my clone shoots Coin in the head with the arrow, and I watch President Snow die again. _

"_you killed the wrong president, Katniss." My clone looks directly at me, stepping towards me as Coin and Snow disappear. _

"_Katniss…" I hear a faint voice whispering. It's not my clone. It doesn't sound like Prim, or Madge or my mother, and that's when I realize who it is. _

_Peeta._

_My mind reflexively assumes that he is dying, he is in pain, and that is his final word. I try to run back to the saltwater lake, to sing to him as he dies, because that's all I can do now. Just like with Rue. And it would be even better because Peeta loves my voice. But as I try to take off, my feet stay planted on the ground. I struggle, trying to run back to Peeta, but I can't. _

"_Katniss…" Another whisper from Peeta. I close my eyes for mere moments, when I feel a hand stroke my face. My eyes shoot open to see myself, smiling eerily at me, with strange black and white tattoos over my face, which make me look like a mockingjay, stroking my face. _

"_Katniss…" She strokes my face as I hear Peeta again. I can't move my limbs and I begin to sob. _

"_KATNISS!" Prim screams. I am exhausted, now, it is impossible for me to move and struggling doesn't help a bit. The Mockingjay version of me strokes my face again as I hear Peeta's final words._

"_Katniss…" _

"PEETA!" I scream, instantly hugging whoever is in front of me. My eyes are still closed and for a moment I believe it is me, my mockingjay self, I am hugging. I pull away for a moment, and rub the tears from my eyes so I can see clearly who I was hugging. I smile is brought to my face as I see those beautiful blue eyes that I love so much.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" He asks before I tackle him in another hug and start sobbing into his chest. When I don't answer he tells me, "You were flailing around and I woke up…"

"Thank you, Peeta." I hiccup, because my sobbing had become too harsh.

"Always." He says quietly.

* * *

><p>Later, after I apologize for waking Peeta and ungodly hours of the morning, I tell him about my book. I also call Dr. Aurelius and tell him about it. Peeta draws pictures of Prim, Finnick, Johanna, Beetee, his family, my father, President Snow and Coin, Rue, Glimmer, Cato, Foxface, the redheaded Avox girl, Lavinia; Darius, and even mulitiple images of me: in my normal clothes, a fairly provocative looking outfit, the candlelight dress and crown from the first hunger games, me and the tracker-jacker hive, in my wedding dress, in a red and white dress that makes me look like a target, a mutt version of myself, my house next to his, in my hunting gear, in my outfit from the first and second games, and me in my mockingjay dress. He scribbles down two to three words underneath each of them.<p>

The one of me in my normal clothes – _Friend. Real._

Me in the provocative outfit – _Lover. Not real. _

The candlelight dress – _Victor. Real._

The tracker jacker hive and I – _Enemy. Not real._

The wedding dress – _Fiancee. Not real._

The target outfit – _Target. Not real. _

The most painful one of me, the mutt – _Mutt. __**NOT REAL.**_

Our houses – _Neighbors. Real. _

My hunger games outfits – _Tribute. Real._

And finally, the mockingjay dress – _Ally. Real._

I smile when I realize what this page is for. He flips the page and continues to write some explanations on the back.

"_Friend – Always. We take care of each other, because that's what we do. _

_Lover – Although it wasn't real from the start, we've had our moments, but it's important to take things slowly._

_Victor – She won the 74__th__ annual Hunger Games. Along with me._

_Enemy – although she dropped the tracker jacker nest on me, it was intended for Cato and the others. The Careers._

_Fiancee – I did ask her to marry me, but it was forced, so although the world still thinks we're engaged, although we aren't leaving each other any time soon, we are not getting married –until further notice- _

_Target – She was never a target. I never had the intention of killing her. Unless I was having an episode. _

_Mutt- She is not a mutt, no matter what that hijacked part of me wants to think. She's saved my life more than threatened it. _

_Neighbors – this doesn't need much of an explanation. She lives here, and I live next door. _

_Tribute – she was a tribute in the 74__th__ and 75__th__ annual Hunger Games. Along with me._

_Ally – We've always been allies. Partners. Ever since we were reaped. We protected each other, whether the other knew or not."_

Just before he hands the book to me for my explanations and such, he scribbles something on the top of the page.

"_Katniss Everdeen – The girl of fire" _

I grab the journal with a smile. I write down the important things about Peeta, his favorite color, his blue eyes, and even a brief description of his hijacked-eyes, bread, cakes, paintings, the hunger games, and even a dandelion. Although it makes Peeta feel a bit awkward, he doesn't mind drawing these things for me. And I'm glad.

When we are finished, Peeta goes to wash his hands from the paint and pastels and pencil-lead he had been smearing across the pages for hours, and just as he does, I grab the book, flip to the very back, and do my best to draw a heart and a dandelion.

Because it would be a crime to forget that I love the boy with the bread.

**a/n It would be a crime, wouldn't it, Katniss? Okay, so I just finished reading Mockingjay for the umpteenth time, and I cried multiple times. … **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I had fun writing it. **

**-Tori-**

**That is MOHAGONY! **


	5. Stuck with Haymitch

**A/n I don't really have much to say here… besides that I'm having slight writers block because of that stupid speech I was forced to write. -_- In conclusion, this may not be the best chapter. **

* * *

><p><em>I was standing in a meadow, but it wasn't my meadow. Instead of the tall, flowing, dull-colored grass, there were a million dandelions, slightly staining my exposed ankles in a yellow powder. I was smiling as the breeze blew through my hair, and in the distance was an ocean. Actually, it was a saltwater lake. And I could see the glint of gold from the cornucopia in the middle. I saw Finnick sitting on the top of it, trident in hand, popping countless sugarcubes in his mouth in content. Annie and little Finn sat on the beach dangling their feet in the water with smiles on their faces. Behind the meadow, was woods, where Johanna sat at the trunk of a tree, picking away at the wood with a knife while Rue sat perched high in it, whistling her four note tune to the mockingjays that flew through the air. Haymitch was stumbling around in his drunken stupor through the beach, kicking up white sand that picked up into the breeze. My mother was playing with baby Finn and Prim along with Annie, and Gale was in the woods with a bow and arrow, picking off countless dear and squirrels. Peeta was standing just a little distance away from me, with an easel and a canvas and paints, painting the scenery around us. Everything was perfect. Everybody around me had gone through everything I had, more or less, yet they all had a smile on their faces, just like I did. I was smiling, with the breeze through my hair, which was let out of its usual braid. <em>

_Suddenly, Gale came running out of the woods with a panicked look of his face, a trail of fire behind him, burning through the woods and the fire quickly engulfs the cornucopia as he makes his way there. My mother and Annie disappear into thin air while Prim and Finnick and Rue are licked by the flames. I continue to scream as Peeta and Johanna and Haymitch disappear as well. The meadow, woods, and cornucopia are engulfed with an orange fire. As I see the golden cornucopia lit on fire, the flames turn a brilliant blue, much like Peeta's eyes. As the fire dies down, Peeta and Haymitch reappear. That is all. My mother, Gale, and Johanna are gone. The dandelions around me are burnt into a charcoal black, brushing the ashes against my yellow painted ankles, they have lost the message of rebirth. I understand what this is telling me. Either my loved ones are dead, or away from me. Peeta and Haymitch are all I have now. _

Instead of waking up screaming, I wake with a fit of tears. I flail my arms to the other side of the bed where Peeta was supposed to be, but instead I find a pillow in his place. I look around, having to squint my eyes because of the blurriness the tears bring, I do not see a note from him, like I should. I jump out of bed, leaving a mess of sheets on the floor, and I run through the house looking for Peeta. I need the reassurance that he is indeed here, and I am not left alone with Haymitch.

My worst fear is realized when I run to the main room to find Haymitch asleep on the couch, knife in hand.

"WHERE'S PEETA?" I don't mean to shout, but it comes out that way. He looks at me, puzzled a moment, but a look of realization streaks his face.

"He just went to stop by the Bakery. The boy said he'll be back in about an hour, had me stay here and watch ya." Haymitch says plainly.

"Why?" I inquire.

"Says he's got a surprise," He begins. "Do you know what day it is?" he asks. I shake my head, completely unaware of the date. All I know is that it's about a month or two into spring. He snickers before taking a swig of white liquor out of a clear glass bottle.

This means I'll be stuck at home for an hour under Peeta's watch, having Haymitch babysit me, to make sure I don't lose my mind while he's gone. Which is quite possible, with the way things started this morning.

Greasy Sae stops by with her granddaughter and this time, when she offers the blue yarn to me, I show her how to tie a noose. I guess it's not the _best _thing to be showing an eight year old little girl, but it's one of the few things I know how to do with a string. I remember Finnick and his complicated knots, even practicing with my hair at times. I smile at the thought. As I begin teaching her the noose, I also teach her "The Hanging Tree". When Greasy Sae comes to fetch us for breakfast, she smiles at the sight of me a_ctually _interacting with someone besides Peeta, and _actually _doing something that I enjoy. I have a smile on my face, as well. Something like this hasn't happened in a while.

While we sit at the table, Greasy Sae's granddaughter starts to inquiry me.

"What's your favorite flower?" She asks. I answer without hesitation.

"Dandelions."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Green."

The last question comes off as a surprise to Greasy Sae, Haymitch and me.

"Do you miss your sister?" Haymitch snickers, Greasy Sae begins to sputter in worry, and I am frozen with grief, attempting to keep myself together for this young girl.

"Of course." It's as simple of an answer that I can muster. If I go into too much detail I will have an emotional meltdown. I look down at my wrists, which have the words "Mentally Unstable" written in cursive. I had written it with Peeta's black paints when he went to wash his hands after painting a portrait of Finnick.

Greasy Sae clears her throat and that marks the end of our conversation. When they leave and I'm left with Haymitch again, an awkward silence overcomes the two of us because I have nothing to talk about and Haymitch is not drunk enough to pass out just yet.

"Can I go hunting, now, Haymitch?" I ask with an unintended annoyed tone. I want to get out of the house, mostly because Peeta is, and I feel like I'm imprisoned here.

"Not until after the boy's back." He says grimly. I groan inwardly, quite annoyed. I feel as if I'm trapped in a box with nothing but a drunken man who refused to let me leave. Which, in a way, is quite true.

"I thought you said he'd be back in an hour…" I quickly corrected myself for the sake of an argument. "let me rephrase that, you said he'd be back in an hour."

"I did. You have a nice pair of ears there, kiddo." He jokes. I take a seat on the couch opposite Haymitch.

"Well, where is he?" I shout in exasperation.

"At the bakery, I told you." He says. This simple talk from him is frustrating me, and I need to get out of my home before the walls start closing in around me. At the thought, my eyesight goes purple and all I see is purple fuzziness as I get dizzy. This hasn't happened in quite a while, but it happens when I'm stuck at home with nothing to do and I have no fresh air. It often happens when I feel like this, trapped in a small space, when in reality, my home is quite large.

"Can I at least go sit on the front steps?" I ask.

"Fine. But I'll be watching you." He warns. I nod slightly and stumble outside, where I fall to my knees on the concrete. I sit on the steps and await my eyesight to come back. When it does, I watch diligently for Peeta. But after a few hours, I see nothing but the quiet and serene scenery of the empty Victors' Village. When the sun is ready to go down, my first reflex is to think of Peeta, it's his favorite color, and then I head back inside.

"Peeta called and told me to take you out. For a stroll through the district, he says." Haymitch tells me.

"Why can't Peeta take me?" I ask, already making my way towards the door, willing to give up the conversation already. Just get me out of this house.

"He's busy." Is all he says as we step outside.

"Whatever." I say quietly as we walk through the district. As we walk across the stone pavement of the town I spot a large lizard and I let out a surprisingly girly sounding shriek.

"Aah!" I shout out as I take off towards the town square. Memories of Finnick getting torn to shreds by human-sized lizards come back to mind. I start shouting and shrieking and I close my eyes and cover my ears, kind of like Annie does when she exits reality. I curl up into a ball with my hands over my ears and my eyes squeezed shut. I'm whispering to myself, because Peeta's not here, "Snow's dead. It's okay. You're not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy…." It continues until I hear footsteps near me and I prepare for an attack, scrambling to my feet, my eyes darting open and my hands ready to take the person down quickly. At the sight of this one lizard, I'm cracked. Tears stream down my face but I have an offensive look on, which says, "I will kill you."

I realize it's Haymitch for a second, but for some reason I'm still being defensive and insane. I'm taken back in time to the Games, with my killer-instinct mode on. He grabs my wrists tightly and for a few minutes, he's being serious and comforting.

"Katniss, it's alright. You're fine. Nobody's going to kill you, it was just a lizard, Snow's dead. Coin's dead. There are no more Hunger Games. You're not going to die. Not on my watch," He says. For a second, I think he's finished speaking, when he continues, "I'm still your mentor."

The sun has gone down by now, tears are still streaming down my face but I managed to pull myself together for short amount of time. No doubt my little breakdown will be reported to Peeta and Dr. Aurelius. When I walk through the front door of my house, it's cold and dark. I can't see a thing, but Haymitch is still beside me, holding my hand tightly, reassuring me that he's here to protect me.

When I flick on the light, I'm taken aback by what I see in front of me.

* * *

><p><strong>An oooh! Cliff hanger! I got this idea from another fanfic, I don't remember which it was, but this is an original plot, though. Because of the hunger games, though, even I freak out when I see wasps and lizards. O-o **

**-Tori- **

**Here's some advice: Stay Alive.  
><strong>


	6. Nightmares

**a/n I attempted to draw a mockingjay today, and it isn't half bad, actually. I'm proud of myself, because I really **_**SUCK **_**at drawing birds. Oh, and in my imagination, Madge never died.**

* * *

><p>"SURPRISE!" They all shout. Peeta, Johanna, Annie, Finn, my mother, Gale, Madge, Greasy Sae and her Granddaughter, and even Haymitch have a huge smile on their face. I break out into a fit of happiness, sobbing tears of joy as I instantaneously run towards my mother. I tackle her in a hug and tell her how proud I am of her to be here in district 12. I tell her that I miss her and she isn't alone. I hug everybody, one by one thanking them each in a special way.<p>

Johanna, for being my friend throughout the war and risking her life for me multiple times. Annie, for caring for me in her own special way, and I tell her that I understand how she feels when people tell her she's mad, and I know how she feels when she exits reality. She smiles at this. Finn, for being here, because all in all, I don't really know him all too well. He's still a toddler, but has already taken on the looks of Finnick, his sea green eyes and hair a dark shade of bronze. I thank Madge, for giving me the pin, which was later the symbol of the rebellion, which lead to where we are now: with no more Games. Greasy Sae, for taking care of me, feeding me, and cleaning my home when I neglected it, being the mother I never had. Her granddaughter, for bringing happiness to my life, and she hands me a dandelion and a small necklace with a star carved from wood painted green on it. I smile and thank her for this is as well. I thank Haymitch for taking care of me today, bringing me back to reality and reminding me I am not alone. I thank him for mentoring me and dealing with me all these years, for being my family. I thank Gale, with hesitation, for playing a big part during the war, for being my hunting partner, for keeping my family alive while I was fighting for my own, for being my best friend for years. Finally, I find my way back to Peeta, where I tackle him in a bear hug, and I start to sob both tears of joy and sadness. I will tell him about today later.

That's when I realize what today is.

May 8th. My birthday. My nineteenth birthday. I go back to the conversation I had with Haymitch earlier.

"_Do you know what today is?" _

"_Says he's got a surprise" _

This was the surprise, and the reason why he was at the bakery sits in front of me. A magnificent cake with three layers, with Green and Orange icing, with mockingjays, Bows and Arrows, Dandelions, and on the top, the scenery of our first arena, the river, the cave, the trees. It looks amazing, beautiful, and I know Peeta had been working on this all day.

"Thank you, Peeta." I whisper into his chest as my sobs start to subside.

* * *

><p>Over the course of the night, I find out my mother was Annie's nurse during her pregnancy, Johanna now lives in District 4 and learns to grit her teeth and bare through the water, trying to enjoy it, and Gale is now head peacekeeper of district two and has been staying in district 12 for quite some time, although I haven't seen him around. After the small party, Gale heads back to his rented home, my mother, Annie, and Johanna go back to District 4, and Madge heads back home for the night. Haymitch stays after and retells the story of what happened today to Peeta, who glances at me with concern a few times as I sit by the fire, crying silently.<p>

Before Haymitch leaves, he rubs my back and says to me, "Don't have any nightmares tonight. Alright?" He's joking, but there's a tone of concern in his voice. He's afraid for me. And he's still trying to keep me alive.

When Peeta and I lay in bed, I'm afraid to fall asleep. Surely the happenings from today will bring on a particularly bad nightmare. Peeta looks at me, and even through the dark shadows that dance around us, I can see the concern in his eyes. Those eyes that I can read so well. He rubs my arms, comforting me, trying to lull me to sleep, maybe, but it's not going to happen. I stare at him, I try to think of something to say, but nothing comes to mind. Until I just decide to say what's been on my mind today.

"I saw I lizard today… and I broke down." I say quietly.

"I wish I would have been there, to comfort you." He says just as softly.

"Are you ready to go to sleep?" He asks.

No. Because being ready to go to sleep means being ready to watch Prim, Rue, Finnick, Cato, Glimmer, Clove, Thresh, Foxface, Boggs, Peeta, Annie, my mother, my father, Gale, Madge, Greasy Sae, Johanna, Lavinia: The redheaded avox girl, Darius, Finn, and myself die over and over and over again. Sometimes they don't die, though, instead I watch them get their tongues cut off, such as Lavinia and Daruis, sometimes I see sugarcubes eat people whole, sometimes it's Glimmer's mutt trying to eat me alive, Cato's strangling Peeta, Rue and Prim play in the meadow and woods often, but Prim is shot in the stomach with an arrow and Rue is eaten by flames, sometimes I see Peeta and Johanna being tortured, which is the worst out of all of my nightmares, because they center around Peeta the most. After those kind of nightmares, when Peeta tries to comfort me, I panic more and I run out of bed screaming and bawling. I usually avoid Peeta for the rest of the day after that.

"I'm afraid." I choke out. I see the sorrowful look on Peeta's face, but as I study it, I can see the bags under his eyes, and I can tell he desperately needs sleep. Trying to compromise, I snuggle into Peeta's chest, his arms around me tight, and try to fall asleep. He falls instantly, his light snores the only sound in the eerily quiet room.

Tonight, I dream of Peeta being tortured and whipped.

I wake with a start. I scream and scream and scream. When I notice Peeta's arms wound tightly around me still, I try to struggle out of them. When I can't, I panic and scream even more. I flail around, and finally Peeta wakes up. He tries to shush me, to lull me back to sleep, to calm me down, but nothing works and I wind up running down the stairs as quickly as I can and screaming my head off.

I fall asleep a few hours later on the couch.

When I wake for the second time, it's because I'd dreamt of Peeta's torturing again. Instead, though, he'd tried to kill me like Clove tried to, slow and painful with that offending knife of hers. I scream even more, but my throat cries out with pain. It's dawn now, the sun is just starting to come up, and I can hear some shuffling around upstairs. I cry out and scream as loud as my throat will allow, because I am terrified right now. My heart is thunder in my ears, and every time I blink it hurts because I'm so tired.

Peeta comes down the stairs in silence, trying not to startle me. I'm panting but have stopped my panicking. When I see Peeta, he's in only his boxers and the bags under his eyes are more noticeable from last night. I know he's had a nightmare as well.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" He asks as he yawns, taking he seat a reasonable distance from me on the couch.

"I'm sorry, I left last night. I just- My nightmare…" I'm at a loss for words. How am I supposed to say this?

Peeta can't tell me anything either. We're at something of a stalemate. He can't lie to me and tell me everything's okay, but he doesn't know what my nightmare was about so he doesn't know how he should comfort me.

"I had a nightmare… about you, Peeta." I say almost inaudibly. Once I say it, the words continue to tumble out. "You were being whipped and tortured, and I couldn't do anything about it. And later, you tried to kill me like Clove did." I say.

He takes me into his arms and suddenly knows exactly how to comfort me.

"I'm fine, Katniss. I'm not going to kill you, I'd never intentionally hurt you. I'd never be able to live with myself." He whispers. "Don't worry, Katniss. You're safe and sound."

"Thank you, Peeta. I'm sorry I kept you awake." I tell him.

"I had a nightmare, too." He says. I look up at him, silently asking him to go on.

"It was after you left. You were sitting with me, one minute, and the next, Coin shot an arrow through your head." He says softly, as if it's a sensitive topic. Which it is. The thought disgusts me, that something like that would happen. I was expecting the worst from Peeta, though, and I am ready to comfort him.

"I'm okay, Peeta. I promise I'll never leave you. I'd never be able to live with myself." I say in reference to his words. A grin streaks his beautiful face and I can't help but smile back. I'm sure my hair is a mess from flailing around and my eyes probably look wild. Peeta gets up for a moment and heads towards the kitchen. He comes back with a glass of water and hands it to me.

"I figured your throat would be pretty dry from last night." He jokes. I laugh slightly and chug the water, causing some of it to drip down my chin. Peeta chuckles at this as I set the now empty glass down. Before I get to wipe off my face with the sleeve of my pajama shirt, Peeta sits beside me and gently and slowly starts to wipe my chin with his thumb. He's not watching what he's doing though, instead, staring directly into my eyes. He leans in to kiss me, I'm sure of it, but as our lips are just reaching, there's a knock at the door. Peeta groans in frustration as I giggle and open the door. Greasy Sae is here to cook breakfast with her granddaughter in tow. Peeta groans again in annoyance. It's not often that I see him like this, but I recognize it all the same.

* * *

><p><strong>An I didn't really have much planned for this chapter… so this is the result. I'm just letting you know: these first few chapters are all adding up to a really dramatic middle/ending.  
><strong>

**-Tori-**

**~Make sure they remember you~ **


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